This was a great example to me of how validating a child’s feelings, and acknowledging them the way the want us to, fosters independence when they’re ready:
Logan noticed some skin peeling between her toes last week and freaked out. I told her that it was normal and that it had happened to me before, and that it would go away. She was very upset and sat holding her foot and wouldn’t let me touch it. I sat down beside her and asked her if she wanted to breathe together, which I usually do when she’s getting worked up (or being disrespectful). We breathed and I said, “You know Logan, when I get a booboo that scares me, I close my eyes and say to myself: ‘I can take this. I am a strong girl. I will be okay, even though I’m hurting now.’ She looked at me doubtfully and I asked her if she wanted to try, and she did. Then we breathed more and she looked at her toe and said, “Id full beddow.”
Just now, days later, she slipped and landed on her bum. I was doing my own thing and waited to see what she needed from me. She didn’t even turn to me though; she closed her eyes and said, “I gan take dis. I a shong guwl.” Then she breathed in and out with her eyes still shut, about six breaths. She looked at me and she was very pleased; said she felt better and went right back to playing. It’s the second time I’ve seen her do it.
I’m a sap, I know, but it really makes me happy when I can give my girls those fundamental, invisible tools that they can carry with them always, and use when they need them. I’d honestly almost dismissed Logan’s toe skin and just told her she’d be fine. It’s a reminder to me that what I may perceive as a minor incident can be an opportunity to teach my children great lessons. I can’t know how Logan truly feels about certain things, because she can’t always express herself accurately enough. By acknowledging her and teaching her a coping mechanism, I assured she felt I supported her as far as I could, and equipped her to be able to make herself feel better as well. She has an independent spirit and does not like to cry (she thinks she’s too tough, I tell her it’s okay), and I know that she is happy to be able to stabilize her own emotions. I learn quite a bit from my little teachers. =)
What a wonderful example of what a difference a little time and energy and thought can make.
It was for me! I so appreciate these reminders. I wish I was always so thoughtful.
This is something I’m trying to work on. Not dismissing the little things that seem unimportant to me, and remembering they are important to my toddler. I’m trying hard to see things from her viewpoint, knowing that she can’t articulate her feelings to me yet.
It’s great you’re giving Logan the tools to deal with these situations, and fantastic that she’s putting them to use. Great job!
Thank you, Kate! It has been a constant struggle for me. Tbh I am more accustomed to sort of telling Ry that she was okay because I wasn’t thinking as much when she was this age. It’s tough to remember when we are so busy, but this incident really brought hone the importance of it for me. Thank you for reading, keep at it! We are all in progress.
Geez you’re good
As you were with Ry, I was with my eldest (almost 7 now). I see my mistakes and am working hard to change my outlook for my next one (9 months now). Your stories are so encouraging.
Thank you. And I’m not all that good – as evidenced by my constant excitement when I actually get something right, lol. I have my days.
this warmed my heart. Thanks for helping us to remember to take those teaching moments whenever we can get them. I pray to recognize them and to know what to do when they arise.
Thank you, Paula. I like to document them so that I can come back and be reminded as well. Parenting a toddler can teach us so much about ourselves and about life. Thank you for reading.