I think I got nine hours of sleep last night.
That deserves a blog post. I’m not sure how it happened. I was nursing Logan and she fell fast; then at about 10, so did I. Opened my eyes again and BAM it’s 7am. I remember Lo waking me one time to nurse but I mumbled, “Come shleep nexsta Mommm.” And she did. And we went back to sleep. This morning I opened my eyes and realized I hadn’t taken off my socks or wrapped my hair or said goodnight to Ryleigh or emptied my poor, battle-scarred bladder. Definitely remembered I hadn’t emptied my bladder (I’m only 28 and it holds less than a bottle cap, thanks children). I needed to pee but I was so overwhelmed by this new feeling, this…rested…ness, that I stayed still and looked around, with my new eyes. So it’s only noon but here’s what I’ve learned so far:
– It’s not normal to have a gray film over your eyes. If you do, get on Facebook and ask about natural remedies. I’m gonna do that if it happens again, now that I know it’s not my New Vision.
– Also without the film, I can see more colors. Before there was gray, white, and the occasional glittery purple creature I swear I’d see sprinting across every room, everywhere (I thought it meant I was a prophetess, chosen).
– On the downside, no hallucinations means that there’s probably no roast and potatoes waiting for me in the bathroom anymore. Sadface. :(
– The other day I apparently Google’d, “Died of exhaustion yesterday how am I still alive and what wine goes with roast and potatoes“. I didn’t even use a question mark.
– There is no Nationwide Backup Generator In Case of Global Warming Rolling Blackouts. I’d made it up to explain the humming I always heard in my head; but now that I’ve gotten some sleep, I can see that it’s silly of me to think the Nationwide Backup Generator In Case of Global Warming Rolling Blackouts wouldn’t be advanced enough to be completely silent, duh.
– I do not, in fact, have restless leg syndrome.
– My ears aren’t clogged. I’d thought mumbling and talking in a far-away voice was a new hipster trend.
– Oh, important: THIS BOY IS NOT MY SON. Idk where I found this picture. I apologize to his parents, I have an obsession with having a son. I think we all love him equally, though. I’d look at this picture and say a loving goodnight every day, but I’ll stop now. Sorry. I was tired. I hope you’re happy, Smiling Asian Boy (that’s what this pic was called).
– I still reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy want a son.
– I can speak full sentences and smile at the same time. Sooo, I will be on America’s Got Talent, I will be smiling and talking simultaneously, and I will probably win and not be able to blog for awhile.
– I’m actually not hungry. I think that feeling was my stomach trying to eat my body to sleep.
– Both my girls don’t always talk at the same time. There was an echo before.
– I love natural term breastfeeding. Most days. =)
– My left nostril works.
– I should prolly go back to shaving my armpits.
– I have self-esteem. I totally
love like myself when I’m not tired.
– When I first woke up this morning and was looking around and feeling my face to see if nine hours of sleep was real, I thought, “Holy Cain and Abel I have skin.”
– Oh, this is a sad one, I do not look like Salma Hayek. My gray vision was blurred.
– I can sing.
– I finished the Hunger Games trilogy. Not sure how/when, but I definitely have memories of peeing my pants and sobbing in an arena with Katniss and Peeta, and I’m pretty sure that’s just late-night reading mixed with fatigue.
– Moms can operate on very little sleep. Moms could split the moon in two, if our children really needed us to. Moms are superheroes. Moms are life-giving, breastfeeding, power-playing, sleep-lacking, butt-kicking beings made up of compassion, grit, and awesome.
All of us get so tired at times, and sometimes it lasts longer than we’d like. But we keep going and smiling and loving our kids and others. We work in and outside the home, we teach our children, we organize, we listen, we offer advice, we clean messes, we take walks, we find lost objects that were right there in their face, we read, we co-sleep, we wake up at 10pm and 2am and 5am to nurse or to retrieve water or to sit sleepily on the tub while our little one sings songs on the toilet. It’s okay to be tired. It requires lots of energy to impart wisdom to another human being so that they may prepare themselves for their turn to do so; especially when that person is our friend, our child, someone we’re completely emotionally invested in.
It’s okay. Rest when you can. Maybe you can never rest. That’s the pits, huh? I know. I’m sorry, Momma, truly I am. Probably tomorrow you won’t be so upset about it. Some days I’m so tired I cry; other days I just shake my head in burnt-out wonder. I’ll be able to sleep all I want, too soon. My kids will be grown up and have their own lives and I’ll have my own life, and I’ll be able to catch up on all this sleep I’ve missed. Ryleigh is already at my shoulders. I’m not ready. Don’t know that I will be even when I must. So for now I’ll keep crying and shaking my head and taking it in stride and not forgetting that maybe Kimberley couldn’t have handled this…but ninja-moving, gentle-parenting, memory-making Mommy can absolutely handle this. Not even because it’s my duty. I can handle it because it’s my work, and it’s an honor, and a privilege. Get some sleep, Loves, and if you aren’t, know that you are so not alone; and remember that you’re making memories, too. All love.