10) The many stray (and puzzlingly long) hairs that have begun to sprout about my neck/chin with each passing year. I keep meaning to care but I always forget.
9) The fact that my new measure of how sexy I look is now just whether my clothes are clean-ish. Don’t have to be ironed or matching, but clean-ish is a (sometimes) must.
8) When a man talks to me, Ryleigh says things like, “Can’t you see she has daughters?!! ,” and rolls her eyes.
7) Also, when a man talks to me, Logan says things like, “Odaaay, dis is wee-uhd,” and rolls her eyes, and pulls me in the opposite direction.
6) If I’m making flirtatious eye contact with a fella, that means my eyes are not on my girls, and that means the manager at Stop and Shop is about to walk over to them and request with pseudo-sweetness, “Oooh, girls, you are soo cute…but I think your mommy is going to have to pay for that entire pack of grapes you just ate!” <<Fake smile.>>
5) My first date stories often begin, “This one time, I was nursing…”
4) Two words: “ I CO-SLEEP.”
3) My subtlety about pedophilia: “Sooooo, on a scale of 1-10, how many children would you say you’ve abused?”
2) Weird family rituals. I doubt it’s attractive for a grown woman to answer a toddler at the mall every time she demands, “Whas my name?!” and I have to enthusiastically reply, “Officer Logan!” That’s just weird, I shamelessly admit it. Some kids like candy, some kids are drill sergeant cops.
And the number one most likely reason I am single….
1) I have two beautiful little girls whose happiness is my priority, and if/when the right guy comes along, he’ll understand that. Hasn’t happened yet. =)