Top Ten: Most Likely Reasons For My Singleness

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10) The many stray (and puzzlingly long) hairs that have begun to sprout about my neck/chin with each passing year.  I keep meaning to care but I always forget.

9)  The fact that my new measure of how sexy I look is now just whether my clothes are clean-ish.  Don’t have to be ironed or matching, but clean-ish is a (sometimes) must. 

8)  When a man talks to me, Ryleigh says things like, “Can’t you see she has daughters?!! ,” and rolls her eyes.

7)  Also, when a man talks to me, Logan says things like, “Odaaay, dis is wee-uhd,” and rolls her eyes, and pulls me in the opposite direction.

6)  If I’m making flirtatious eye contact with a fella, that means my eyes are not on my girls, and that means the manager at Stop and Shop is about to walk over to them and request with pseudo-sweetness, “Oooh, girls, you are soo cute…but I think your mommy is going to have to pay for that entire pack of grapes you just ate!”  <<Fake smile.>>

5)  My first date stories often begin, “This one time, I was nursing…”

4)  Two words: “ I CO-SLEEP.”

3)  My subtlety about pedophilia: “Sooooo, on a scale of 1-10, how many children would you say you’ve abused?

2)  Weird family rituals.  I doubt it’s attractive for a grown woman to answer a toddler at the mall every time she demands, “Whas my name?!” and I have to enthusiastically reply, “Officer Logan!”  That’s just weird, I shamelessly admit it.  Some kids like candy, some kids are drill sergeant cops.

And the number one most likely reason I am single….

1)  I have two beautiful little girls whose happiness is my priority, and if/when the right guy comes along, he’ll understand that.  Hasn’t happened yet.  =)

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Categories: Attachment Parenting, Have A Laugh

Author:Kimberley

I'm Kimberley, work-at-home single momma to two girls, Ryleigh, 9, and Logan, 3. The Single Crunch is the story of our journey from a lifestyle saturated in mainstream ideals to an organic existence, and learning to love each other, ourselves, and any living thing, unconditionally. I'm passionate about breastfeeding, unschooling, single parenting, writing, grief, childhood abuse, childism, and natural living. I write about all this and whatever else moves me, which is a lot, and I throw in some funny on the regular. I'm humbled and grateful to have you reading, thank you. I hope something here will help you in any way.

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10 Comments on “Top Ten: Most Likely Reasons For My Singleness”

  1. Audrey
    May 24, 2012 at 4:21 am #

    I must say…I love this post! :)

  2. May 24, 2012 at 10:25 am #

    Haha! Cute, and real. Some dude will be lucky to find you three someday!

  3. June 15, 2012 at 8:37 pm #

    I just love this! You are an inspiration, Kimber. :)

  4. June 29, 2012 at 3:19 pm #

    Double…no. Triple…..no. QUADRUPLE LOVE this post!!!

  5. Erin
    June 29, 2012 at 6:22 pm #

    Love it.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Public Meltdowns & Mayhem | the single crunch - June 11, 2012

    [...] my toddler, Officer Logan, of course.  I’d taken my eyes off her for one minute like the newbie-parent-fool I am, and she [...]

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